Being a dad, writing this might seem funny, but maybe men just hide feelings better. Boeta has, is and will always be an exciting addition to our family as a whole. He is a late comer to the family, we were married for 17 years and his nephews and nieces are all in middle to late 20’s.
He is our only child and most probably will remain so as time marches on with everyone. From the day we got pregnant it was one experience after another, a roller coaster of emotions, from profound happiness, uncertainty, tiredness, guilt, pride and many more. Every new achievement was exciting and made us as parents proud beyond believe.
Crying was the one emotion I rarely show, but I joked a few times that after witnessing the miracle of his birth, actually maybe even before that, his first movements in mommy, I got emotional at christenings of people I do not even know and beware the action hero dies in a movie (joke), but that is about how it is. Children has such an impact on a parent, much deeper than the superficial stuff.
The main reason for this post is the fact that Boeta is approaching his first birthday. Mom took off work for 3 days, and we are busy preparing his cake, making bunnies for the eventual decorations. We also decided to cut his hair just before his birthday and that process started last night.
It was an experience for him (not great), but it ended up as an unexpected experience for us as well. As he finished, I looked back at those little cuttings with a deep sense of loss, feeling like we killed a part of our son. Very confusing feeling initially and after some thought over the last hours I realized that I was in mourning over the end of his first year.
It was such an amazing time, for the first, nearly 4 months, we were lucky enough to be together 24/7, as a new family. As we bonded with our child and he with us, we also had to learn to operate as a family, tougher than you think after 17 years. Through all the late nights, short nerves, and the rest, we had such an incredible time with our son and celebrated every achievement. I will miss picking him up, cuddling, sitting with him in the rocking chair, on my shoulder, walks in stroller, doing baby workouts, and many more baby fun things.
Now that I have come to grips with my emotions, yesterday, I feel better as well, and today I hope I took enough pictures and video, to enjoy those moments over and over again. I am also looking forward to the next year, talking, running and playing with my son and yes on cue he started walking the past week, our baby is becoming a toddler!